"She's cheating on you, Zeb," said an unseen voice.

"Who is?" the wild-eyed man on the screen asked.

"Ember."

The little man scurried around the room, looking through drawer after drawer. Suddenly, he found what he was looking for: a bottle of WorldCorp brand glue. He held it up to the camera and smiled. "I used to know someone named Ember," he went on, back in character. "Let me think..."

"She's your wife, Zeb."

"Oh! Well, good. Good. Let's see if I can dig you up some arms, hmm?"

The scene ended and the commercials came on, and the Upper Keltarrian Gardening Club came to life.

"Oh, what a shameful woman that Ember is," said Zelda, a white-haired young lady of ninety-two.

"And her poor husband," Iphigeniah added, "He doesn't know a thing about it."

Caliope sipped her herbal tea and giggled. "But Iffy, can you imagine how juicy it's going to get when he finally comes to his senses?"

They chattered on like this for fifteen minutes or so, till the break in the commercials came and it was time for another scene. It was John and Cindy up there this time, half-naked in bed together.

"She's cheating on me," John grumbled.

Cindy shrugged. "You're cheating on her."

John climbed out of bed and threw his clothes on (the girls all giggled at this). "It's different. Ember introduced the two of us."

"She's married anyway."

"To that nutcase scientist! I don't mean him. She's cheating on me with that cop that brought in the homicidal nun."

"She's doing Rico Hernandez? I thought he was gay."

"Apparently not."

"Why do you even care?" Cindy asked. "We're just after her money. It's not like she means anything to you."

"Maybe she does. Ember's a nice girl."

"It might be her money, but Ember's not the one who's going to make us rich. I am, and don't you forget it. Now get out of here. She and I are going to lunch."

"Whatever," he said. "But does she have to sleep with everyone? I heard she made it with that clown, Tuesday, last Tuesday."

Another series of commercials came up.

"Terrible, aren't they?" Iffy said. "Reminds me of myself in my younger days."

"Oh, do go on," Zelda said, laughing.

Another fifteen or so minutes passed before Embers of a Burning Heart graced their screen once again. Two cops were looking into a ditch.

"Ron Tuesday," said one. "He left the circus for that hot little lawyer number. You know - the Burns chick."

"What did she see in a clown like this?"

"Well, that's his esophagus. And that, I believe, is his spleen."

"Not a pretty sight. I wonder what happened."

"I dunno. We can pick him up out of this ditch later. I want to get some donuts before the Bakery Heaven, a subsidiary of the United World Corporation, closes."

"Right. Let's go."

Caliope raised her fist in anger as the scene ended. "Frankly, I'm shocked. Why, this is just the sort of thing that's corrupting our young people today."

"Now now," said Iffy, "You know that things were just as bad when we were young. Drugs and Gangs are just a part of our culture. Television has nothing at all to do with it."

Zelda nodded in agreement. "Why, if television could make people do things just like that, there'd be people on tv telling us what to buy, what to wear... If people were controlled that easily, all someone would have to do to get elected CEO is look good on television! I'm afraid Iffy's right, Caliope. TV is not leading our kids to lives of crime."

"That's right," Iffy said. "Anyway, sure gangs are rough. No one likes the shootings and the muggings and the graffiti, but it could be worse. Why, they could decide to pretend they're not even human and join those awful dregs!"

"I just think we should do something," Caliope said. "Take back the streets, you know?"

Iffy patted her on the back. "Oh, Caliope, you're such an optimist. People have been saying that sort of thing for centuries."

"Caliope's a dreamer," Zelda said. "Everyone knows it's just going to get worse and worse if we don't do anything, but how do you stand in the way of today's youth without getting killed? You've got them killing you now on one hand, and killing you later on the other. It's what they call a dilemma, and you worry about it far too much, dear."

Suddenly, something in Caliope snapped. "NO!" she screamed. "I AM CALIOPE!"

"We know that, dear," said Iffy. "Do you need your medication?"

"SILENCE, MORTAL. YOU TWO ARE NOTHING BUT SISSIES. I MUST DESTROY YOU." She jumped directly in front of them and made the most horrible face, howling like a banshee all the time. As one, Iffy and Zelda turned white and reached for their hearts. Five seconds later, they were dead.

Caliope stormed out of the garden club, to her home across the street. There was a horse in her front yard, and she kicked it as hard as she could, knowing full well that it was an endangered species and that the conservationist groups she belonged to would be appalled.

She vanished into the house and reappeared a few minutes later, with her already pale skin painted white and her head shaved bald. Her bony frame was clad only in a black hooded robe she'd sown one time for her darling grandson's school play. He'd forgotten a line, and now he would die for it.

There was an decorative antique farming scythe on her front porch that had been there as far back as she could remember. On impulse, she grabbed it and vaulted onto the horse that was still grazing in her front lawn.

"IT'S TIME TO PLAY," she yelled as she rode down the street, lopping people's heads off left and right.

Really, she had no idea what had come over her today.